dealing

All people everywhere are dealing with all sorts of stuff. Lots of times, people come to group just bursting to write about the stuff they're dealing with. Today was no exception. Here are just two examples of the things on people's minds.

Fault and Forgiveness, by Mavis Wykopf

As a child, I was taught to turn the other cheek. In essence, to forgive. As I grew older, I began to learn about fault. I didn't do it, it's her fault. It's not my fault, it was raining.

As a teenager, whether real or perceived, everything was my fault! My mom was mentally ill due to a car accident and there was no one else around to blame. After a few years of this, I believed it to be true. I walked around on egg shells, I tried my best to be good, I tried to never go anywhere as she would become upset! I lived with the idea that everything was and would remain my fault for the next 30 years.

As an adult, I realized I had given myself a lot of power. Everything is my fault!?! Rain, snow, wind, earthquakes, typhoons, no less!

I am still coming to understand the nature of fault. I now know that everything is not my fault. I feel that I have responsibility for my actions, but there are some things that I have no control over. I want to be angry about having a mentall illness. But I have no control over that. I want to blame myself for not being able to keep a job. That is a big part of my illness and I have no control over that. I want to blame myself for losing my house, because there is no one else to blame.

As an adult witha mental illness, I am coming to understand the nature of forgiveness. The greatest level of that understanding will come when I forgive myself!



Anger, by Myriah

Tonight, I feel angry. Irritated and annoyed. I don't know why because I had a good day. But right now I am pissy. I don't have any direction on what to write about and I'm hungry. I have a dull headache and have been experiencing muscle spasms in my toe all day. I feel like being a bitch! Just find a way to release some of this tension I have. I wish I had a way to do tai-bo.

I'm doing very good at turning my anger into laughter tonight, but I really wish I could just explode! Like I almost want someone to start shit with me just so I can open a can like Jackee Chan! I feel just in being angry. After all, I have a lot to be angry about. But anger is so very touchy with me. Very sensitive territory. I can't be just angry about everything. Because I know that anger is a secondary emotion -- always blanketing something deeper. Blah, blah, blah!

I don't want to know what's underneath my anger! I just want to be pissy and have that be okay! But again, I must be careful. I'm not like other people and I know that. I am aware of how dangerous unresolved anger is for me. I have not forgotten about the creature I became when anger was my name.